A failed date gone right after all
by thisfairytalegonebad
Summary: A blind date set up by Usopp that is doomed to fail, but does work out in the end anyway. Just not the way he had expected it to. Modern AU, ZoNa friendship, hinted future Zosan and NaVi.
This blind date was a stupid idea. A very stupid idea. Zoro had tried to talk his friends out of it, but no such luck.

Usopp had assured him several times that "You'll love her, she's great! She's a lot like you, actually, and you can have an actual drinking contest with her! I've never seen anyone drink as much as her, well, except for you of course. Trust me, it'll be love at first sight!"

Zoro had tried to explain to him just why exactly he had no interest in this date at all, but Usopp had refused to listen.  
Somehow, Zoro couldn't shake the feeling that Usopp just _really_ wanted to see who was going to be able to drink more, him or that mysterious girl.

Either way, the date was a terrible idea, and Zoro couldn't even quite remember how he had even got himself stuck in this kind of situation. He had spent the evening with his friends, having fun, talking, all that, and suddenly Luffy mentioned a friend he had who Usopp knew too, apparently. And then Usopp had had his phone in his hand, calling that very friend.

And now… he was getting ready for a date. Great. He had a date he didn't even want, and no way to get out of it, since Usopp had refused to give him the girl's number, bribed Luffy into not telling him either by promising him meat, and hadn't even told him her name in case he would try to look her up somewhere.  
And since he couldn't really just not show up to the date, either, he was pretty much forced to go.

For a very short moment of childishness he considered putting on some extra horrible clothes, to scare the girl off the second she laid an eye on him, but decided not to after all since, well, that would've been _really_ childish. And he was a mature adult. Yes. And mature adults sometimes found themselves in not so pleasant situations they had to deal with, so he could totally do this.

* * *

Zoro _really_ wanted to go home. It had taken him ages to find the damn restaurant, and when he finally had found it, he had groaned pitifully because damn, that looked expensive. And while he wasn't too bad off, he didn't really want to go and waste money like that, either. And since heterosexual stereotype law insisted on the man paying on a date, he was doomed to waste his money on a date he didn't even want to go. Just fantastic.

Making a mental note to strange Usopp the next time he saw him, Zoro entered the restaurant. Immediately, a big muscular guy appeared in front of him. "Good evening, sir. Do you have a reservation?"

"Uh, yes. Sogeking?" For some reason, Usopp liked to use his alter ego's name whenever he was making a reservation, though nobody actually knew why.

"Ah, yes. Please follow me."

The waiter led him through the tables, finally coming to a halt in front of a table where an orange haired girl was sitting. "There you go, sir."

"Thanks," Zoro said, sitting down as well. "Uh, hi."

"Hi. Zoro, right? Are you always late for your dates?"

"I- no, I don't- Sorry, I couldn't find the restaurant. Uh… what's your name? Usopp never mentioned it…"

"I'm Nami," the girl said, extending one hand. "And, yes, Usopp warned me about your… sense of direction."

...right. Strangle Usopp later. Or actually, consider more painful death maybe.

Zoro shook her hand with a forced smile, deciding not to comment on the sense of direction thing.

"So yes, ah, you're probably ready to order already, aren't you?" He said, trying to keep the conversation up, but somehow he felt like he was failing terribly.

"Yes, you should have a look at the menu too. The waiter is probably going to come soon," she replied, handing him the menu.

Zoro busied himself with the menu until the waiter arrived to take their orders, and after that he had nothing left to focus on except for, well, Nami.

Too bad he couldn't think of anything to say, really. He had never been a people person. He didn't make friends with anyone, other people made friends with him. And smalltalk was just something stupid and pointless. Sometimes there just needed to be silence, and silence could be very comfortable.

But right now, the silence was downright awkward, and Zoro could've made an entire list with at least fifty places he would've preferred over this table with Nami right now.

At least Nami seemed to feel the same way, he might've felt rather guilty if she had actually liked him.

Technically, he could've pulled through this entire date with its entire awkwardness, but he might as well just have got it over with. And… yes, that was exactly was he was going to do now. And most people appreciated honesty, didn't they?

He took a breath. "Nami… I think I need to tell you som-"

"I'm gay."

"Huh?" He stared at her with a probably not that intelligent looking expression. Had he just heard that right?

"I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have agreed to this date. It's really not fair to you, and I should've been honest from the start, but I'm really a massive lesbian. So this date is kind of pointless, and I apologize for wasting your time," she admitted with a sigh, looking down at her glass awkwardly.

"You- oh, thank god, me too!"

"You too what?" Now it was Nami who had adopted the dumbfounded look.

"I'm gay too! I just never told Usopp because it didn't make any difference, so he assumed I was straight. Which I'm not. At all. I tried to tell him, but he absolutely wouldn't listen." Well this was a huge relief, and Zoro felt much better suddenly. Maybe this evening could become better after all.

Nami laughed, sounding very relieved as well. "Well damn Usopp and his assuming. See where that got us."

"I've already made a mental note to kill him once I get home, because honestly, this entire thing was just more than awkward. Want to join?"

"I'd love to join, murdering Usopp is pretty high on my priorities list at the moment. Maybe we can turn this date into plotting murder ?"

"Heh. I can see while he thought I'd like you. He also mentioned that you might be the only person who could be able to beat me in a drinking contest. How about we test that after we're done plotting?" Zoro was starting to have fun here, and really, Nami _was_ great.

"Yes, let's do that. I can totally beat you, you'll see!"

"Hah, yeah sure. That's a challenge, then." Hell yes, this evening was going to be good. And suddenly something else came to Zoro's mind. "So, since we now aren't tied to heterosexual stereotype law anymore, does that mean I don't have to pay for the food?"

Nami laughed. "Hell no, you're still paying. But heterosexual stereotype law, I like that."

"Damn...was worth a try."

* * *

Throughout the entire dinner, the mood had picked up more and more, and by the time they were seated on two bar stools in a random bar, Zoro couldn't remember the last time he'd had this much fun. They were in the middle of their drinking contest, and neither of them was close to losing. Zoro was impressed.

"Hey, Nami," he called when the bartender poured both of them another beer, "I think I actually know someone for you. She's really cute, you'd love her. For real, this time. Tell me, what do you think about unusual hair colours?"

"Unusual hair colour?" Nami asked, grabbing her refilled mug. "Your sister?"

"No," Zoro laughed, "Though my sister does have pink hair. No, I mean a good friend of mine. Blue hair, not green. She's adorable, trust me, really sweet girl. Really gay, too. Want me to give you her number?"

"Hell yes," Nami beamed, "Bring it!"

Zoro fished his phone out of his pocket, ignored Usopp's messages that asked how it was going, and selected Vivi's name from his contact list. "Here, gimme your phone."

Nami handed him her phone, and he typed the number into it, then sent a quick text to Vivi ("Found you a potential girlfriend. You're welcome"). "There you go."

Nami took the phone back, looking at the new contact happily. "Thank you! Now, since you're playing matchmaker, let me give you a number, too!" She reached for his phone, shoving her own back into her pocket. "He's a chef at the restaurant where we had dinner before, but it was his day off, so we didn't get his cooking. It's a shame, though, he's great. He's an awesome kickboxer, so maybe you can spar with him some time. Real handsome, too."

Zoro took his phone back from her, looking at the contact info she had entered. Now he was really curious. Sanji, huh?

* * *

In the end, they'd had to break their drinking contest off. They had felt a bit tipsy at best but Zoro had really been running out of money, and Nami had seemed very reluctant to spend any more money as well (Zoro had refused to pay for her drinks).

Zoro had walked her home, just because, and then made his way to his own home. He had even managed to find it within only thirty minutes longer than it was supposed to take.

Now he was getting ready for bed, since it was almost three in the morning now, and he was getting pretty damn tired.

From the nightstand, his phone buzzed. It was a text from Nami, who was telling him she'd enjoyed the evening a lot, followed by a picture of a young man that was captioned 'Sanji'.

And as he stared at the picture of the freakishly handsome man, Zoro changed his mental note to maybe not murder Usopp after all.

* * *

 **I think it was obvious, but two things: yes they were at the Baratie, and yes Zoro's sister is Perona.**  
 **This was a lot of fun to write, I hope you enjoyed reading, too.**  
 **Comments make my day, as well as constructive criticism. If you spotted an error anywhere, please do tell me so I can fix it. Thanks, and see y'all around!**


End file.
